Vines
by Fezzes at 221b
Summary: Thor decides to join in the Midgardian 'tradition' of 'Vines'. But handing the other Avengers Mjolnir and filming their reactions isn't the safest thing to do, heedless of the views on his videos. And when he tries to trick Steve, he gets a surprise...
1. Chapter 1

**Okay, this'll be another story to add on to my load of unfinished stories. But, hey, I've haven't written an Avenger one for aggggges.**

 **Hope you enjoy.**

 **Fez.**

Thor wandered up behind Natasha, trying to hide a smile. She was trying to make pancakes.

Thor was casually swinging Mjolnir, hiding it just behind his legs.

"Hey, Tash." He rumbled.

"Hey Thor. What do you need?" She said absent-mindedly, pancake batter smeared on her cheeks. Clint had dropped by and 'helped'

"Hold this." In his other hand, he was holding a video camera, already rolling.

"Thor..." Sighed Tash, but was already reaching for Mjolnir, without looking.

As soon as her hand closed over the handle he let go and stood back and focussed the camera on her betrayed face. Mjolnir had dropped instantly to the floor, Natasha half bent over it, a spatula still in her hands

"Thor." her voice was low and threatening. All six foot of godliness quaked in his boots.

"For the vine?" he tried, already flipping the camera off and turning to run.

The only reason he wasn't lying in hospital with a broken leg and neck was that Natasha had been trying to cook pancakes for half an hour and they were so almost perfect.


	2. Chapter 2

This time, Thor had put the camera on top of a bookshelf, and decided to edit it down to seven seconds later, with the help of Darcy, who had found the first one hilarious, especially the look on Tash's face in the last second.

He wandered over to the bookshelf and started the camera, Mjolnir was swinging at his hip. Tony glanced up at Thor and offered a smile. He was leaning over his table, screwing a part of his Iron Man gauntlet together.

"Hey." He said. "What book you looking for?"

"Jane was looking for an Astrology book,, I was wondering if you would have it?"

Tony didn't look up from his machinery and pointed across the room. "Astrology is over there."

Thor thanked him, unable to hide his smile. He could almost, _almost,_ understand why Loki liked this.

He ambled across the room but, stopped halfway, taking Mjolnir off his belt.

"Man of Iron. Catch."

Tony looked up just as he let go and instinctively brought his hands up to catch it, it hitting him right in the face and plummeting to the ground, only to land on his bare foot.

With a yelp, Tony attempted to get it off. Thor ran to teh camera and ensured it had caught all of teh action.

"JARVIS! Lock down all doors. Do not let Thor out!"

"Oh." Thor spun, to see the doors slamming closed. Tony twisted his arm, the Iron Suit coming together over his body. It paused at the left foot, unable to get under Mjolnir.

Thor thrust his hand out, calling Mjolnir to him and pointed it to the ceiling, Bifrost appearing and beaming him up.

"No!" Tony yelled, the suit finally closing under his foot.

"JARVIS. Inform me when Mr Odinson returns..."


	3. Chapter 3

Thor's next victim was Nick Fury. After observing him for three hours, he realised the man was never distracted enough to pass him Mjolnir. The camera had been rolling for a while,

So, he simply waited until Fury was facing a hologram board.

"Fury." He called and slung the hammer in the man's direction.

As Fury turned, his hand came up to deflect the hammer and ended up somehow grabbing the handle.

He was pulled a full two feet back by the momentum until he let go, eyes wide.

"Mr Odinson." He reached slowly into the inner pocket of his suit, with a deadly look on his face.

Thro turned and ran scooping the camera up off the table as he went, pointing it haphazardly over his shoulder, suddenly realising that the amount of running he did was probably not the norm. His comrades were scary people.

The last two seconds of the video is Thor's feet running across concrete and his rumbling laughter, somewhere off-screen, as well as yelps of SHIELD workers got in the way of the Director's wrath, gunshots and Fury yelling abuse.


	4. Chapter 4

Thor knew where he would find Clint Barton. Either training, in the air vents or lying across Natasha and Bucky as they watched old films.

Of course, Thor couldn't do anything when he was in the air vents, for obvious reasons, but with the other two he could easily hand the archer Mjolnir with a camera set up somewhere.

He found Natasha and Clint on the couch, practically sitting on each other. After a nasty scare a couple of weeks ago, where Natasha had almost died, her assassin training failing, and Clint had swooped in, chain wrapped around his leg (he claimed that was meant to happen, but really, he'd gotten caught, noticed Natasha needed help, and flung himself off the side of the catwalk he was on) firing upside down and ultimately, loosened himself to crash down on the attacker, breaking the man's arm and crushed his own lung, broke his leg and won Natasha's affection.

Which had been going for a while but both of them almost dying seemed to be a good time to get together.

Steve and Bucky were on the other sofa, Bucky asleep on his boyfriends' shoulder. Thor was immensely pleased for them, mortals should love whoever they wanted when they lived. Unfortunately, some of the Midgardian's didn't realise that, and Thor pitied them, he really did.

He placed a camera on the bookshelf on the other side of Bucky, who opened his eyes and blinked slowly, before nestling closer to Steve, who put an arm around him.

His comrades were happy and so was Thor.

However, he did shatter the silence, that before had only been broken by Rapunzel crying over Eugene.

"Think fast!" He cried, slinging the hammer at Clint who jumped, as well as Bucky who clutched at Steve's hand, before realising what was happening and calmed down.

Clint tried to deflect it from his face, a high-pitched squeal coming out of his mouth, that Thor gloriously caught on camera. Natasha was laughing with tears streaming from her eyes; Clint jerking out of his seat, eyes wide and haplessly holding Mjolnir seemed to be hilarious to her.

It was funny to the other people in the room and Thor as well, until the skilled archer stood up and dusted himself off. Natasha paused the movie for him, Rapunzel stuck in an endless derp face as she realised that her tears were magic.

Thor laughed, hopefully for another couple of seconds, before running backwards, grabbing the camera, blindly paused the video and ran.

The Avengers later found out what a God, with no end to the lore and myth and mystery surrounding him sounded like when he was terrified.

Clint slithered out of the air vents when Thor was sleeping, and stood over him with a Darth Vader head on and his bow pointing at his face.

Thor screamed like a terrified little girl for a strange amount of time, before hurling Mjolnir at Clint again. Clint was _not_ happy.

 **Only two more to go, yay!**

 **Feel free to leave a review!**

 **Fez.**


	5. Chapter 5

**One more chapter after this one guys! If you enjoy this story please leave a review? :D**

 **Have a great day**

 **Fez.**

Thor wasn't sure about throwing Mjolnir at Bruce Son of Banner, but, as a big supporter of equal rights (which some Midgardian's didn't seem to like. They were strange and backwards like that) he decided to do it anyway.

Thor walked straight into Tony's lab, where he knew Bruce would be, trying to stop Tony from doing something unadvisable.

Tony and Bruce looked up as Thor walked into the lab, Tony putting his screwdriver down and slowly crouched behind the work bench he was at. He obviously hadn't forgotten the last time Thor was in his lab.

Bruce didn't expect for Thor to carry on his new game of throwing his hammer at people to him. People had a tendency to leave him out of things that could end in him getting angry.

Bruce raised a hand in greeting, rolling his eyes at his co-workers stupid behaviour.

Then his smile dimmed. "Thor, why are you holding a camera?"

Tony gave a terrified squeak at Bruce's words and Bruce glanced down at Tony, eyebrows raised. While he was distracted, Thor threw the hammer at him, a grin spreading across his face.

Bruce turned towards Thor, the hammer just a few feet away and leaned to the side, leaving the hammer to smash into something big and metal on the other side of the room. Tony's head came up and blinked up at Thor, who was looking confused.

"I can replace that..." Tony muttered to himself.

"You're meant to be angry and thirsty for my blood." Thor said, sounding like a kicked puppy.

Bruce shrugged. "Technically, you didn't hit me. But if it makes you feel better." he paused and stood on tip-toe, not letting himself Hulk out in Tony's lab.

"Roar. Run Asgardian and maybe I will spare you." he said in a monotone that had Tony sitting the floor laughing.

Thor bowed, keeping the camera upright and fast-walked out of the room, holding his other hand up for the hammer to propel itself into it.

Bruce let himself smile, just for a second.

"I'm sure Natasha'll love that." Tony gasped from the floor.

Bruce walked around his own bench and offered the older man a hand.

"I'm sure she will."

It turns out she did. A lot. So much, in fact, she had the hashtag #Thisistheprotecteroftheworld trending on the videos, gifs and pictures of him across the internet.

Bruce woke up to picture of his straight face plastered across the Tower (one Blu-Tacked to Bucky's arm.)

Steve, Bucky, Sam, Bruce and, somehow, Nick Fury had had their phone ringtone set to the repeating sentence. (Well, Natasha had managed to get Sam, Bucky and Steve's. It turned out that Fury set his ringtone himself)


	6. Chapter 6

Thor looked around the corner of the wall separating the living room from the kitchen of the Avengers Tower, a massive grin on his face.

He was holding the video camera that was now a permanent fixture on Thor's person, and Mjolnir.

He was watching Steve, who was reading the newspaper on one of the kitchen stools, a half-eaten plate of toast next to him.

Thor slowly sidled up to Steve, knowing that he probably knew he was here, and tried to get the super solider to lower his guard by getting a glass of orange juice, coyly watching the man's face in case he looked up and realised what Thor was planning to do.

Silently clicking the Record button on his camera, he walked to be next to the distracted man.

"Could you hold this for me?" He asked. Steve nodded without looking up, a hand coming off the paper, waiting to be given whatever Thor gave him.

Thor gave him Mjolnir, stepping back quickly so he could capture the man's face with his camera, but the hammer (with Steve attached to it) never hit the floor.

Steve carried on reading the newspaper, a calm expression on his face, as he held Mjolnir with ease.

The rest of the vine was just Thor's shocked face, looking at the camera where he'd turned it upside down and Steve's voice in the background saying: 'Are you going to want this back, Thor? Wait, are you oka-?"

 **Well, this is end, viewers. I hope you've enjoyed this story, despite the hideously long pauses between each update.**

 **I may come back to this and maybe write a few more chapters on this happening to Pietro and Wanda and Bucky, but I doubt it.**

 **Have a great day!**

 **Fez.**


End file.
